A Reason
by aliceinthematrix
Summary: Jumbled musings. Kakashi didn't like to get close to anyone, and he had his reasons for being a lone wolf. ONESHOT


**A Reason**

Hatake Kakashi wasn't one for getting close to people. He never was and he was sure everyone agreed with his silent thoughts that that would stay as such. When the third Hokage assigned him to a team of genin he wasn't even looking forward to it at all, but later on it had proved to be quite the…_experience_ and daily entertainment (almost as good as Make Out Paradise). Of course now it isn't that entertaining.

One of his students was taken away under the influence of a cursed seal, the other away and trying to tame the monster that still haunts what remains of his childhood, and the last one attempting to get over her silly crush and make something of herself.

So once again Kakashi has no one, and he hadn't even attempted to prevent it or at least he could've done more in that department.

So maybe he has Gai in a way, but what is friendship compared to a constant rivalry? It's nothing compared to what he had once had, and had also watched slip away like many things.

At one time in his life – before his Anbu days – Kakashi had been like every other aspiring ninja. A genin in a team of other's just like him, and no different than anyone else at that point, because he wasn't Kakashi of the Mirror Eye. He was Hatake Kakashi, son of the White Fang.

As much as he tried not to remember any of his family, he knew he had eventually had to come to terms (thanks to a kick in the ego by his now dead "best friend") that his father had been a good man. That his proclaimed fault wasn't an embarrassment at all, but something to be proud of and he had admitted silently to himself that he had been stupid. Completely and utterly stupid and it had been too late to save his father.

It was always too late for Kakashi.

His father had sacrificed the mission to save the lives of his subordinates, which wasn't the best ideal. Ninja's are required to put feelings away and locked up tight, and to not bring them into battlefield. They get in the way and mark weakness, but that was all wrong. Saving lives was better than sacrificing and taking – or that's how he saw it now a days.

It was too bad he had realized that on the same day he realized that Uchiha Obito was his best friend. Too bad it was that day that said boy had met his death.

That same day he had also lost his other team mate, Rin and the next night he had had lost his sensei, the fourth Hokage. Yondaime.

So there was little Kakashi on the funeral day, off to the left away from all the other people and silently cursing them all. Silently cursing everything and hating more than he had ever found himself hating before.

He felt useless and stupid and often found himself just staring out a window wondering what to do with himself while holding a kunai to his chest.

Eventually he had gotten outside again, but not without a head band covering his left eye and his collar up over the lower half of his face. No one recognized him for a few days, and though he hated that he was also glad. Kakashi didn't have people whispering behind his back for that while.

_"Isn't that the son of the White Fang? Isn't that the last remaining member of Yondaime's team?"_

It was a horrible reminder every time he heard it and he felt lost, but what was worse was his left eye. It was Obito's – a Sharigan – and he had to remove every mirror in his home to even be able to be in it anymore. He made an appointment with the re-appointed third Hokage a few days late and sold his soul to the Anbu.

Being an Anbu doesn't come without a price.

You have to be cold and ruthless, only worrying about the good of the mission and being a lone wolf. Kakashi took this to heart, because it was one of the last remaining things he had to look to.

When he turned 17 he left the Anbu after a meeting with a certain young teacher by the name of Umino Iruka whom changed his outlook on life one more time.

Of course he was careful not to let this one in either, for he didn't want to ruin someone else's life and his problems were his own and he would rather them remain like that.

Having a team again got in the way of being emotionless, but he made a promise to Iruka that he would do his best to look out for all three. One boy in particular, but it seemed he had failed at that as well.

_"All you do is worry about Sasuke! He always gets all the attention! You're a horrible teacher!"_

Maybe he was horrible after all. The only thing he had really attempted to teach his team was team work, but that didn't seem to have done anything at all. Look where it got everyone now!

So here Kakashi was, selling his soul once more to the Anbu while his team was continuously being torn apart by a war that shouldn't have even happened in the first place.

All he could keep doing was killing and killing, hoping to numb the pain and forget everything just for a while when he handed in his mission report upon every arrival. He stopped being late and stopped talking to Iruka. He stopped talking to everyone in general for a long time.

Nothing made sense, and nothing was alright. Everything was ripping and torn – crushed to a pulp. Just like the memory of Obito's crushed body beneath that stone that forever burned at the back of his eyes.

Rin being tortured was fresh in his mind as if it had happened yesterday and the Yondaime slowly turning away as the cursed seal caused by sealing the Kyuubi away ripped him apart on the inside.

The dead, haunted look in Sasuke's eyes as he walked away from Naruto's broken form and look of pure denial in Sakura's face when she heard the news soon after.

Hatake Kakashi didn't let anyone in for a reason. All it caused was pain, and pain – while being something he often walked hand in hand with – was something he didn't like and refused to get used to. He couldn't and those damned nightmares would remind him of that every night he tried to shut out the world.

Being a lone wolf was what he did best after all, and he thought he might was well keep that up if anything.


End file.
